The GD Panda Bear almost got me yesterday. . . almost.
I have to confess that I nearly lost it last night. I had gone into work early and I was exhausted from the start. My afternoon wasn't bad, but I was still just really tired. By 5pm it was time to work out and I had no energy. I did an hour workout but I couldn't get my heart rate up and I was struggling just to keep going at something close to my normal pace. I had planned to put in 90 minutes (45 on the StepMill and 45 on the Treadmill), but I gave up after 60--there was no point in continuing because I didn't have the stamina to make it worth my while. Better to add some extra time to workouts later in the week after I've rested a bit.
Anyway, I felt a bit defeated. There's a ton of garbage rattling around in my head lately that I haven't felt much like talking about in the blog, etc., and I guess I'm just starting to feel overwhelmed by it all. There's as much changing about me perceptually right now as there is that is changing physically, and it's hard to keep up sometimes.
By the time I left work and the gym (I work out at work on most weekdays) I knew I didn't have the energy to cook and I was starting to think about the Panda Bear and I literally wrote this status to my Facebook wall:
***
I will not have a panda bear meltdown.
I will not have a panda bear meltdown.
I will not have a panda bear meltdown.
I will not have a panda bear meltdown.
I will not have a panda bear meltdown.
I will not have a panda bear meltdown.
I'm frustrated with my body right now but I'm not going to sabotage my progress by eating some faux food.
I'm just exhausted and frustrated and I'm having a hissy fit. I'll live.
***
A few friends chimed in to tell me to be strong, so that was helpful. But what was more helpful this time was that as I left school I went right across the road to Jimmy Johns and got a veggie sandwich with no cheese and no mayo. It's not my favorite thing and I'm not sure the bread is even vegan, but it worked as a stop-gap this one time. I started stuffing my face right there in the parking lot and the Panda Bear meltdown melted away. I went home and I treated myself to some fat free oven fries with not-fat-free vegan ranch dressing on the side and a margarita.
I can't say that everything is all better, but I'm glad I won this one little battle against that GD Panda Bear! Hopefully I'll have a little bit more energy for my workout tomorrow. Today is my rest day, and I sure do need it. I'll admit, though, that I also need something to lift my spirits. I'm not sure why I'm in such a funk. Maybe it's not any one thing. . . I'll just have to be patient, maybe. . .
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Post Script: I went to the Jimmy John's website to check on the bread. Looking at the nutrition for JUST the bread I see that there is NO cholesterol. One rule of thumb to remember is that if it has a mommy it has cholesterol. So, I'm not 100% sure, but chances are that there are no or very minimal traces of animal products in their bread. Certainly, there's no bread or egg yolks, but there could be some egg white. I'm going to contact them and ask, actually.
However, the other thing I notice is that the bread does have almost 500mg of sodium. Again, this is a far better option than MSG Chicken (for many reasons!), but it's something I have to limit to the very rare occasion. I'm ok with that. :)
certainly there's no *butter* or egg yolks. . .
I'm fairly certain there is actually *bread* in their French bread. haha
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